Astrology humor for...why, astrologers, of course!

Interviewer: So, what are your thoughts on all the hype surrounding the impending Jupiter-Neptune conjunction?

Astrologer: Blown out of proportion if you ask me!

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 Astrologer 1: I can’t tell the people I love that I love them and I can’t tell people I intensely dislike what I feel about them, either.

Astrologer 2: And your Moon’s in Scorpio? How odd!

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Astrologer to bartender: These Venus-Neptune types, they think every man who walks through the door might be the man who changes their life.

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Man: Elise, you know you got to watch that Neptune conjunction to your ASC. People think you’re a flake.

Woman: Really? I hadn’t noticed.

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Bartender to Man: You guys broke up? But you said she was your soulmate!

Tropical Astrologer: I caught her cheating on me with sidereal astrology!

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Astrologer to friend: I had to hit him! He sneered at my Mars-Sun-Moon T-Square. Sneered, I tell you. These Mercury-Mars types, an annoying bunch, I tell you. Annoying! 

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Overheard: Who does she think she is trying to wow everyone with that overblown Sun- conjunct-Jupiter personality of hers? And did you notice her Mars contacts her Neptune. ::sniffs disdainfully:: I wouldn’t be surprised if she drank. ::shakes head::

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Friend 1: Hey, why so blue?

Friend 2: ::sigh:: Saturn’s transiting my second house.

Friend 1: You think that’s bad? You have no idea what that Saturn-Pluto is doing to me! Man, I’ve been trying to put on a brave face and all, but…

Friend 1: Want to go to the bar?

Friend 2: Yeah, let’s get wasted!

::Neptune smirks::

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Budding astrologer to friend: My astrology class was cancelled last week….unforseen circumstances.*

*Contributed by astrologer Tony Vowles

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Q: How many Virgos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four: one to read the manual, one to inspect the quality, one to screw it in, and one to oversee that it’s screwed in properly.*

*Contributed by Michelle of AstroFix

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