Archive for June, 2009

Scene 1: The world waits with baited breath for the Uranus Retrograde on 1-July-2009 and Saturn, editor-in-chief, call in Mercury.

Saturn: You wanted to do a piece on Uranus, right? Well, it’s stationing ready to go retrograde tomorrow. Go get a story. 

Mercury: Yeah, Chief, right. I’ve been thinking about Uranus a lot. Also the Moon, I mean the Sun’s in Cancer and the time’s ripe for… 

Saturn: Stop waving your hands like that, it’s giving me a headache. What do you mean, the Moon? I called you in here to talk about Uranus. It’s big news right now and we need the blog hits.

Mercury: Blog hits, right! I was looking at the stats and… *knocks over the inkstand in his excitement*

Saturn: Out! This minute! And I want the story in today!


 Scene 2:  Mercury is sharpening pencils, talking to his office buddies, checking his e-mail, Facebook and Twitter accounts while searching online for Uranus’s current address.

Venus: So why did the Big Guy call you in? He’s so hot. Power is such an aphrodisiac. *sighs*

Mercury: Mr. I’ve-got-a-steel-rod-up-my-you-know-what wants a story on Uranus. Uranus, I tell you! Hey! Did anyone ever notice “Uranus” can be broken into “your anus?”

*Pluto, who’s been brooding quietly at his computer screen, looks up at this, his eyes shining with a dark light*

Mars: *leering at Venus* Give it to me, baby! 

Mercury: I need to do this today! Anyone know where Uranus is? Guys, just focus for a minute!

Moon: *hurt* Why are you yelling? It’s upsetting. 

Chiron: Here, sweetie, sniff my lavender handkerchief, you’ll feel better.

Sun: The Uranus retro is a headlines story right now. Why’d he ask you to do it? *glowers jealously at Mercury*

Neptune: *trails in wafting Chanel No. 5 and lavender chiffon* Hi, darlings. What a lovely day! The sun is out, the breeze is blowing and I’ve been having the most far-out dreams. In fact, I was just telling Uranus…

Mercury: Uranus? You know where he is?

Neptune: Why, certainly, darling. We’re in mutual reception at the moment, you know.

Mercury takes the address, gathers his pencils, his Dictaphone and rushes out of the door.


Scene 3: Uranus’ study-laboratory. Mercury is sitting perched on the edge of a chair over-flowing with books, papers and a house-cat. His host is busy running numbers on his computer and dashing around the room connecting various mysterious devices into plug-points.

Mercury: So, thanks for seeing me. I know you’re busy and all…

There’s a minor explosion from one of the devises, Mercury jumps. The cat sleeps on undisturbed.

Uranus: Damn! Gave it too much juice! Double damn!

Mercury: It must be because of the station. I was reading how stationing planets become very powerful.

Uranus is not listening; he is too busy trying to prevent a fire from breaking out in his house. Mercury takes out his Dictaphone and starts following Uranus around the room.

Mercury: So, like I told you over the phone, my editor wants me to do a piece on you and I was wondering if you could tell me what you’re doing with all these gizmos right now. *shoves the mike under Uranus’ nose*

Uranus: *blinks at the mike and notices the bright-eyed reporter for the first time* By thunder! Where did you spring from?

Mercury: *undaunted* I’m doing a story on you, remember? So what you upto here?

Uranus: THE IDEA: About 10:45 PM Calgary, Canada

Take note of that. I’m too busy right now to stop and explain, but…

I think I’ve had a moment of utter brilliance, and it is no mistake that you are here for it.

I believe I’ve just had a gigantic intuitive leap (backed by logic). I think I’ve figured out a very cunning way to benefit you, to (potentially greatly) benefit myself, and generally raise the good karma level for all of us. All with a simple series of actions.

Expect to see the first results on your end Friday. Goodbye! **

Mercury: Okay, got that. I need more information on…

Uranus: Can’t now. Busy! Busy!

There’s another explosion. So loud that even the Uranus-immune cat wakes up. Seeing that he has lost his host’s attention, Mercury stuffs the Dictaphone back into his bag and sees himself out muttering under his breath about weird Uranian types and hardnosed Saturn-ruled editors.  


Scene 4: Mercury is back in office and frantically reading Erin Sullivan’s Retrograde Planets: Traversing the Inner Landscape when his phone rings:

Mercury: *while still reading the book* Yeah, ‘sup?

Saturn: I hope the article’s ready. I want to take a look at it before it goes to the press. You have 15 minutes.

Mercury: Yeah, it’s all done. I was just checking for typos and… *Saturn’s disconnected the call*

Mercury thumbs through the rest of the book, switches on the Dictaphone, starts typing while simultaneously calling Jupiter to see if they’re still meeting in the evening for a drink. Fifteen minutes later, in Saturn’s office:

Saturn: Odd. Very odd. What’s the big surprise he’s talking about?   

Mercury: We’ll find out Friday, sir.

Saturn: Hmm. Make sure you cover that story. See if you can get an exclusive.

The scene fades with Saturn anticipating being the first to break the story and raking in the hits, and the exhausted Mercury nodding in distracted agreement.


**Input on the Uranus state-of-mind from Matthew Currie.

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Uranus SR

I cannot sleep
And when I do
I wake up
From neon-lit
Uranian dreams.

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Do you have natal Neptune aspecting any of your personal planets in your chart? Or, since transiting Neptune is at 26 degree of Aquarius right now, do you have any personal planets in the last 10 degrees of the fixed signs? If you do, has deception been a theme in your life? Because, among other things, Neptune rules deceit and self-deception.

Not that Neptunians mind being deceived or, on some occasions, deceiving others. Deceit with Neptune and Pisces is not a focused, cold strategic ploy like it would be with Scorpio or Capricorn if they chose to walk on the dark side. It’s usually something they drift into because they want to help someone, spare someone’s feelings or prevent others from looking too deeply into their rather messy minds. And their minds are a bit messy because they knit all these fantasies around what’s happening: there’s that pink thread for how they want to see things, the lilac for how they wish things were, the yellow for Pollyanna optimism, the white is there representing what they’ve convinced themselves is the truth, the black for the blinkers that make them feel safe, the gray for the polite mask they are loathe to remove. So what is the truth?  Who knows? They certainly don’t after a while. 

They’re like a cute little kitten playing with balls of yarn. Except they tend to get rather badly trapped in all those threads and then mew piteously for someone (usually God and the Universe) to get them out of the colorful web of truth, half-truths and outright lies.

I’ve been so busy looking at other people’s charts in the recent past that I haven’t looked at mine at all and have rather belatedly realized that if transiting Neptune moves one degree forward, it will exactly square my moon. The aspect is almost as good as exact. What brought my attention swinging to this was the fact that I’ve been feeling very deceived by people I’m fond of. These include the people who work in my home. Things keep disappearing and mostly I’m okay with it. They way I it figure is, they wouldn’t steal if they didn’t need it so badly. So I’ve been tacitly aiding and abetting this by pretending not to notice. But I’m married to a Scorpio: you ever tried pulling a fast one on them?

I’m fine with someone taking from me as long as they are subtle about it and leave enough for me. But my domestic pilferer has become bold and sh*t has hit the fan. So, we’re all in deep disgrace with the grim Scorpion. An unpleasant situation for all of us. So what’s the point of this very Neptunian rambling? It was all my fault! Instead of letting it slide, I should have nipped it in the bud. There are other ways of helping people instead of teaching them “theft is good and theft is fine and your chicken tastes so great.”

I know, I know. It looks bad for me. So I’ve been thinking about what to do, how to deal with things like this. And so if you’re a fish or strongly Neptune-ruled, listen up. Purity of intent. That’s a sure-fire antidote to this Neptunian fog. Just be clear about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and for God’s sake, be honest and allow others to be honest. And instead of going all hazy-eyed when someone is lying to you, just say (gently, softly, politely like you prefer), “I smell something fishy here.” And if you can do that, demand the truth from yourself and from others, then you can have a nice old game with balls of yarn without becoming disastrously trapped.

So, there, I’m all done. A stern talking to was needed: check. A good look in the mirror: check. But, really, we’re not that messed up, are we? Since I’m a fellow Neptunian like you, we might have a hard time being objective about ourselves and may keep wondering why people look at us with thinly veiled pity. So sometimes, another perspective doesn’t hurt. Why not ask those clear-eyed Virgos what they think or, better yet, let Matthew Currie tell you: http://matthewastrology.blogspot.com/2009/06/pisces-shamwow-of-zodiac.html

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I hate it when my affection
gets randomly engaged

I loathe these arbit connections
What a waste!

I begrudge them
the mind space they occupy

I dislike the clutter
that they create in my mind

I don’t know how to love
without attachment

I don’t know how to do it
with Aquarian detachment

So I’m sitting here
With my brooding moon

I’m wanting to go Zen with it
Wanting it, and wanting it soon.

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Deconstructing Venus

A reader called my piece on Jupiter a “rant.” She was quite complimentary about it and the good news is that I’m not done with this solar system yet. For the past two weeks, I’ve been seeing hearts in cloud formations and in water stains, the Morning Star on days I wake up too soon and, today, there was a rash of Venus-themed posts on AstroDispatch. That’s just asking for it. So, today, we’ll take a close look at Venus and see if she stands up well to scrutiny.   

If you are expecting to read a fair and balanced (two words the Venus-ruled Librans love) post, then please stop right now. I suspect that I have an ax to grind when it come to Venus: She is both debilitated and badly aspected in my chart and I can hold a grudge as well as any Scorpio. 

pink460You rarely meet pure types in real life, so I can’t pluck a convenient acquaintance and try and rip ‘em apart here. But there’s enough Librans and Venus-kissed-dimples-and-cleft-bearing people in my life for source material.  Let’s begin with the duo I call “the Librans.” I have no fear that they will stumble across this because how can you read when you buff your nails 10 times daily on a weekday and 50 times on the weekend?

They are both people you like: they dress well, smell good, their clothes and accessories are color-coordinated, their nail polish is never chipped and they re-apply their lipstick frequently. It’s like being surrounded by cabin-crew lookalikes all the time. Every hair in place, nose always powdered, wrinkle-free clothes. But put all that effort in one direction and other areas of your life are bound to suffer a bit. But Venus blesses her children with a unique perspective on the world and reality doesn’t bite. Being rightly upbraided by the boss for doing a half-baked job? This is what one of them had to say about it: “As I listen to her, I’m glad I’m dressed so well because then I can look down on her.” But, yes, of course! If you are wearing the exactly right shade of L’Oréal, what does it matter how you’ve mucked up what you’re paid to do? You looked great while doing it, right? Good Lord, what more do people want from one these days?

But I would be doing Libra and Venus an injustice, and we know Libra stands for justice, if I led you to believe that looks are all they care about. They read as well, quite a bit in fact, I was wrong about that before. There’s always reading material lying around when you go to a salon to get a pedicure. How else do you think they know the exact shade of pink to buy this season? Reading, man, it improves the mind. And their minds gets quite a work-out, a warm-up even because of their close affinity to their best friend, the hair dryer.  

Astrologers call Jupiter and Venus the “benefics” because the former bestows good luck and the latter beauty, to name a few of the goodies that… Wait! Put that kitten down! Before you sacrifice it to appease these two, here’s one random piece of information: sometimes, when this happy guy and this pretty lady are batting eyelashes at each other in your nativity, it’s almost certain that you will be afflicted by diabetes. I see that the well-glossed Venus smile is a little dimmer now. Good, it was hurting my eyes.

Dear God, I just realized that today is Friday, a day holy to the goddess Venus. Despite my vituperative tirade, I know it is unwise to call her wrath upon my head. James Hillman, a Jungian psychiatrist, has written an essay titled “Pink Madness” on Aphrodite.  In it he talks about the harm we cause ourselves and the society if we do not honor Venus is our lives. Maybe the heart-shaped clouds are trying to tell me something. Maybe it is a good idea and only fair (thank you, Libra) to reconsider the value the goddess of love and beauty brings to all our lives. A confession: I’m rather susceptible to Venus men. Beauty calms my soul and I say a silent prayer of gratitude wherever I find it: in a man, in nature, in spiffy hotels or in a piece of work well done. In Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal, every time Sam Vimes, Commander of the City Watch, enters his son’s nursery his “world turns pink.” The image invariable makes me smile and softens the edges of my sometimes harsh and frenetic world.  Love, beauty, fairness: we need them all. Every day. Just as we need balance, the lesson that Venus-rules Libra teaches. So, that’s it for now. I gotta go buff my nails!

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The gentle breaking of morning every day
The benediction of the evening breeze
The smell of the rain in the air, on the earth
The soaring freedom of a bird in flight
The shade of the trees in a wood
The butterflies in the garden on a drowsy afternoon
The moon and the stars in a clear winter sky

Woodsmoke, rainbows, ocean waves
pebbles on a riverbank

I have loved you like that.

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I was always loving you
if it wasn’t clear in my text
you should have delved deeper
it was shining in the subtext.

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I lacerate my heart this way
I assuage the lack this way

I act like a fool when I do this
I find a way when I do this

I forget sometimes
in my sparkling sapphire moments

I don’t remember at times
in my rambunctious ruby rants

I feel joy envelope me
when I am tipsy topaz tickled

My soul stretches and embraces the world
when I emerge entrancing emerald

But there are spaces that are no color
there are moments of quiet alone with the silence

When I leave the demanding world behind
when I re-visit the ghosts I wished I had laid

Then I travel in time again
I haunt the past again

I become a ghost with the others
I hurt and I heal this way.

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I’ve been saying for years, without thinking much about it, that I’m always surrounded by by Cancerians. Best friend in school, best friend in college. And it’s not just Cancer suns. My husband has a Cancer ascendant and so do two of my closest friends at work. Makes you wonder what’s going on, especially since I have Saturn in Cancer. Saturn makes for lasting bonds, yes. But you have “bonds” and then you have “bondage.” Ask my husband. 

I was reading Julie Demboski’s Receiving Venus: Someone Else’s Venus in your Natal Chart last evening, and this led me to realize that as a Leo sun, I represent the second house of material benefit and things we value for the Crabs. Then, suddenly, it made sense: they obtain some tangible gain by associating with me. Which is great for the Crabs but it does dent my Leo ego. But it’s the way of life, and Virgos can very well say the same of Leo suns and Leo ascendants, Librans of Virgo suns and Virgo ascendants and Scorpios of…you get the picture. 

So when you are doing synastry readings, you might want to look at where one person’s planets fall in the other person’s chart. For more details, check out Michael McClain’s Synastry – Planets in the Partner’s Houses.

P.S.: I just noticed, a few hours after writing this, that today is the summer solstice and that sun just entered Cancer. And my fave rave Crab friend just called to say she is coming over.  Don’t you just love synchronicity?

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Transiting moon is well within conjunction orb of my natal Jupiter and Chiron as I write this. So clearly we’re dealing with hurt feelings and, in my case, I’ve decided to vent them on Jupiter. Fatso natally trines my sun and I’m usually a pretty happy person. But happy, sunny, jovial people have their dark days, too, and this is mine.

If you’ve been into astrology long enough, or even if you’ve gone only a little beyond the basic sun signs, you’ll have heard people oh-and-ah about Jupiter. The Great Benefic, he’s traditionally know as. Really? Did y’all read the fine print? And there’s a lot of fine print, easily missed, when you’re looking at Jupiter. Check this out:

Easy aspects: Do not quit your day job just based on a trine or sextile made by transiting Jupiter. Jupiter transits promote optimism and good feelings. But they don’t help you get off your butt and go out there and achieve something. Jupiter’ll tell you, “You don’t need this grief, babe. Quit your job, hang out with me. We’ll go places, see people. It’ll be fun.” And it will be just as he promises: you’ll have a ball. But, alas, all parties come to an end and so will yours.

Then, the purple-favoring one will wave a cheery goodbye as he goes off to hang out with someone else. And you’ll be left there alone, cleaning the mess that your joint revelries created. Did I also mention that you would be hungover? And broke?

Your best bet with a good transit is to keep your head on your shoulders while enjoying the natural high he brings you. And if he does bless you with unexpected opportunities, and to be fair, he will, then call on Saturn and Mars so that you can make something out of them.

Jupiter or Bonzo?Not-so-easy aspects: The conjunctions and squares are described as harsh or active aspects and if Jupiter is making them natally or by transit, then Bonzo the Happy Clown is no competition for you. ‘Cause you’re funnier than him, louder than him, your jokes are more risqué and the odds that you play are bigger.


Ever notice that “whoo-hoo” rhymes with “boo-hoo”? Now you know why! Two of the people I hang out with most have Jupiter squares and oppositions natally and they’re great fun to be with. But they’re constantly pushing their luck and frequently falling on their butts. They ignore rules and facts and just blithely go their merry way, doing what they want to do. Now, I’m all for be-yourself-do-your-thing-be-happy; but our optimistic duo brush aside reminders that decisions should be tempered with a little dose of Saturnian restraint and homage to ground realities. Without that, people oftentimes make bad decision and attract negative results. So, of late, I’ve found myself shaking my fist at Jupiter as I once again bail these two Jupe babies out of whatever fine mess they’ve landed in.

So the next time Jupiter rolls by promising fun and fortune, don’t forget, he’s a  gas giant. Now you know where the expression “full of hot air” comes from.

Disclaimer: Currently, transiting Jupiter is squaring and opposing this writer’s personal planets. Since it is also retrograde, something she thought looked just great is turning out to be not quite the picnic she expected. So keep that in mind when you read this, especially the part about “hot air.”

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