Archive for July, 2009

Venus in Cancer

When she moves from Gemini to Cancer, Venus comes home, puts away her laptop, BlackBerry and cell phone. But the phone is always within easy reach, after all, someone from her family may need to get in touch with her. In this sign, she changes out of her uber-chic city clothes and into soft gingham dresses. No, she doesn’t have a split personality, she’s just moved into Cancer.

As Venus moves from Gemini into Cancer on 1-August, you can feel the change of mood. The pace slows down from verbal and frenzied to emotional and moody. The emphasis shifts from intellectually stimulating to the emotionally fulfilling. It becomes less about communicating and more about feelings. 

Cancer hold sway over the home and all issues related to the mother, mothering and nurturing. In this sign, Venus ties a tidy little apron around her waist and bakes you cookies and pies. In every sign she has a distinct appeal; her appeal in Cancer is the wafting smell of apple pie, loving arms welcoming you when you come home and then tucking you in for the night with a warm kiss on your forehead.

Although Cancerians are quiet and retiring by nature, they nevertheless have a strong need for love and affection. They often feel ignored and neglected because everyone else is too busy goggling at the antics of the more extroverted signs. So what does the gentle crab need to feel good? A lot of emotional and financial security. If this is threatened, you will find them seeking comfort by sneaking to the fridge at night or reaching for another helping of ice cream. Everyone has a little child hiding inside them, and as the energy and focus of Venus shifts to the sign of the crab, nurture and coddle your inner child: feed it, spend time with it at home, read it a story, take it to the park to feed the ducks.

This is a good time for investing energy and resources in and around your home by either spending time in the kitchen, cooking for your friends or generally beautifying your nest. The Cancer aesthetics are all about crocheted doilies on antique furniture. Incidentally, antiques are a big hit with crabs who hold the past so close to their hearts. Venus gracing Cancer is a good time to buy antiques for your home or as a gift for someone special.

Lack of emotional support, an empty larder and a less-than-rosy bank account all make the Crab’s sky dark and sullen.  But why not be inventive? Have a family picnic or call your clan over for a home-cooked meal. When darkness threatens, you can dispel it by celebrating love and joy and family bonds.

If you find yourself charmed by a Moon-child (Moon rules Cancer), remember it takes time and effort to get past their defenses and win their trust. But once they allow you entrance into their hearts, you will have found a haven of peace to come home to when the world gets too much. And for the crabs reading this, with Venus touching your sun by transit, your attraction quotient is sure to rise. So if you find that attractive fellow shopper at the produce section giving you the glad eye, go for it. Food and love, that’s what makes the world go ‘round!

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I still remember, when as a young cub of about 14, I was handed my first Linda Goodman. I devoured the book and fell in love: with the intensity of Scorpio, the zaniness of Aquarius, the fay-ness of Pisces and the stability and sensuality of Taurus. Thus began my love affair with the water and the earth signs. I wished I was one of them. My Leo sun left me unimpressed, as did the other two fire signs, Aries and Sagittarius.

But now in my thirties, when life is real and earnest and the world demands too much and hesitates in returning the favor, I’ve finally fallen, deeply and irrevocably, for fire. Because fire signs are givers. You don’t have to ask, by just being around them, you will go home with your cup full: of faith, of energy, of hope. In the astrological world, I found it in the sheer enthusiasm and openness of GlowStick and David Rowan (both Sun in Aries), the warmth and affection of April Elliott Kent (Sun in Leo), Annie Heese and Jeremy Neal (both Jupiter in Leo) and the tireless good humor and cheerful wisdom of Matthew Currie (Sun in Sagittarius).

If the New Agers are right, we are what we think. And if you are anything like me, how you think is influenced by what you read. So, I’ve been wanting to write a little about the fire signs because I can’t say I’ve found anything that’s quite pleased me when it comes to telling one about the Aries, Leos and Sagittarius essence. But first, Leo. Partly because my sun is in Leo and partly because the transiting sun is lighting up this part of the zodiac right now.

What have you read about Leo? Sun-ruled, fixed sign. Arrogant, proud, likes shiny things, stubborn, loyal, wise, loving. It’s always sounded a little flat to me. And boring. I was discussing this with my Sun in Leo friend Art Grant. And he said, “You’d think that love would be very much associated with Venus, but that’s what we RECEIVE if you really get down to it, and the Sun through the sign Leo GIVES…” While I don’t know very much about the astrological nuances of Venus and love, I do know that no other sign has the power to bring light and fun and joy into our lives like Leo does. Forget their grand and extravagant gestures; they can do it with small, ordinary actions that other adults wouldn’t even think of. I know a Leo who recently went around her office handing candy to everyone. It lighted up every single care-worn adult face. When asked why she was doing it, she laughed and said, “Happy to be alive.” There’s another one who loves balloons and buys a lot of helium-filled ones to share with the neighborhood kids. It costs nothing but it sure thrills the kids. For me, these examples typify the Leo joy in being alive and sharing that joy with others.   

If there are any Leos reading this and life has got you down a bit and you’re feeling a little blue and unappreciated, this is what Linda Goodman says about your ruler, “No one, not even Pluto, has the sheer life-giving energy of the Sun.” There it is again, the word “give.” So if you aren’t getting the praise, kudos and love you want or deserve, it might help to see what you’re giving, instead of frowning at what you’re receiving. The song says, “Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could…” You need to start with the giving and the Universal Law of attraction will multiply that three times and return your gift to you reflected in the eyes of people whose lives you’ve brightened up. 

And if you have a Leo in your life and want to keep them there, you’d do well to remember that they really need your sincere praise and affection. For Leo, if you love them, you have to demonstrate that love. By words, by deeds. Over-the-top gestures and compliments are very welcome. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to spend a lot of money on them. A Leo living out its positive side is hard-working and creative and doesn’t need your money. They do need your love, though. Every day. And they need that love expressed.

Wordless soul communion is okay for the water signs. Providing a safe haven by maintaining material security will keep the earth signs happy. The air will derive joy from shared mental pursuits and conversations. But you have to feed this fire sign if you want its flame to keep you warm in a cold world. Don’t go running to the gourmet store, that’s not what I meant. Although, come to think of it, if you’re going to get them their favorite cheese and bottle of wine and when they come home, tell them, “This is for you. No special occasion, just because I love you and I wanted to show you how much,” you’ll reignite the light in their eyes. And you do need to keep the Leo light burning because this jaded, dark world needs it so very much.

Expressed most positively, as an affirmation of the self that’s free of all need, The Sun Never Says by Hafiz of Shiraz captures the Leo essence beautifully:


Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth,

“You owe me.”

Look what happens with a love like that,

It lights up the whole Sky.

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Aries Woman
She’s fire and emotion and bursts of energy. Her appeal is in her endless enthusiasm and her boundless courage. She’s like a hurricane that’ll blow the cobwebs from your mind giving you a new lease on life. She’s thrills, chills and the excitement of a fast car.
Taurus Woman
She’s like one of the flowers in the garden she loves so much. But she’s sturdy and perennial and not some easy-to-damage seasonal bloom. She’s hard work and reality checks but she is also soft sheets and floral scents and perfumed massages.  
Gemini Woman
She’s lively and bright and hard to keep up with. She’s mental gymnastics, intellectual eroticism and late-night phone calls. She’s hard to pin down and hold onto, but full of light, like a glowing firefly against a dusky evening sky.
Cancer Woman
She’s soft, moody, needy, weepy. Eternally feminine: she’s the wife, the mother, the gentle lover. She’s clingy, so if you don’t like that, don’t engage her feelings. But if you want a home and a hearth, you’ll find it in the haven of her heart.
Leo Woman
She’s the sun, shining through the clouds. She’s gilded dreams and fierce pride. She’ll drown you in love and affection when you’re blue. She’ll support you and promote you but she’ll want the same back, and on the double!
Virgo Woman
Don’t try and pull a fast one on her, her math is good, and she can tell in an instant when something doesn’t add up. She gets sensual pleasure from surroundings that are neat and organized. She’s neatly folded handkerchiefs and silk scarves that are green and cream. She’s white cotton night gowns and clean shiny hair. She’s sanity and rationality in a mad, crazy world. 
Libra Woman
She’s beauty and refinement and lovely homes and complementary colors. She’ll grace you arm and your life, but unfairness and strife will bring discord to her harmony. She’s more than just a dimpled smile and soft sighs, she has a strong mind, this girl, and she knows how to use it.

Scorpio Woman
She’s the serenity of the sea at dawn and its turmoil when it roils. She’s got the courage of a veteran and the precision of a surgeon (in fact, she might be one). If you have secrets, don’t look into her eyes.

Sagittarius Woman
She’s got the spirit of a dancer and she’ll dance her way around the world and in and out of numerous experiences. Her eyes are always bright and she’s always booking tickets to go somewhere. She’s a wise one, you know. Stick around, you’ll learn something. 

Capricorn Woman
She’s all neat, combed hair and finely defined ambition. Her upper lip is stiff and her mind clear, but she does have a heart. It belongs to her family and maybe a pet, and if she deems you worthy, to you. But have you got what it takes?

Aquarius Woman
She a scientist at Yale, an astro-numerologist, a flower lady…but whatever she is, she’s true to herself.  If you don’t want petty or spiteful, she’s the one you’re looking for. But if you want to date her, bring your astral-travelling gear: she a quintessential time traveler. 

Pisces Woman
When she tells you she loves you, in that moment, she is loving you. But she also loves that man with broken dreams and that little girl who can’t hear and she loves every “sad and lovely” thing. She’ll listen to all your dreams, even the ones you never talk about. But do me a favor, okay? Listen to hers, too.

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It can take you a lisun and moonfetime to truly understand a person or, for that matter, explore your own inner depths. Human beings are complex creatures with multiple, and sometimes contradictory, needs and drives. For me, the biggest draw of astrology has always been psychological profiling (my Moon is in Scorpio, dahlin’).

If you’ve been playing around with sun signs for a while, chances are, you’ve been pleasantly surprised with their accuracy. But you’ll also have found that sun signs are not quite enough to understand another person. Well, of course they’re not! And astrologers have been yelling about this till they’re hoarse. Nothing quite beats a complete chart analysis. But even there, you have to start somewhere. Two of the most important energy signatures in a chart are the signs in which a person’s Sun and Moon are located. Matthew Currie’s book The Sun And Moon: Yin And Yang, And How You Do Your Thang delineates personality types according to both the Sun and the Moon signs. 

Matthew says, “The Sun represents your ‘life spark,’ and just like the Sun’s role at the center Matt_nof the Solar System, everything else about your personality would fly off into deep space without it.” He goes on to add, “When people complain that others don’t know ‘the real me,’ they are probably referring to their Moon. Your Moon is how you react to your world on an instinctual level, before things like language and social roles get in the way. The Moon is also the place where you are most likely to store any and all of your childhood emotional issues.”

So, once you get a handle of these basics, you can move on to other more detailed astrological nuances. But if your basics are not clear, then you’ll find yourself forever floundering in shallow waters unable to enter the deep knowing that astrology bestows upon its learners.

I really enjoyed Matthew’s book: it teaches you what you need to know with a dash of humor thus making learning a fun thing. And more than that, it’s good to see contemporary astrologers revisiting these topics. Many others in the past have written about it, but we’re living in a fast-paced society, and astrology needs to keep up with our changing lingos and points-of-reference.  Matthew’s book not only does this but also gives you a lot to take away. As he says, “This book will help you understand the basic nature of the Sun and Moon in each sign. And, in one easy step, you will have expanded your astrological understanding of people from twelve basic types, to twelve times twelve… one hundred and forty-four basic personality types.”

If you want a copy of the book, or even a chart reading done, you can get more information here


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Like a lot of the astrological world, I was waiting and watching to see what the 22-July solar eclipse would bring. I didn’t speak or write about it because the degree at which it occurred, 29 Cancer, was powerfully impacted in my chart and the charts of a few people close to me. I was deeply concerned and so I was quiet about it. To quote my friend Raphael Simons, an astrologer, “An eclipse isn’t a cat waiting to pounce on you.” He said this in a humorous context, but it brings to mind another thing. The effect of an eclipse can be felt a bit before and after it happens. So, it ain’t over till it’s over. If you are interested in eclipses and how they affect your chart, my friend April Elliott Kent is the eclipse specialist.

For me the eclipse occurred as I was going to work and it wasn’t visible over my city. After that, I didn’t give it much thought till I got home. And that day, after a long time, I went back to my first love. I wrote…in a book…with a pen. And since that piece of writing wasn’t connected with work or written for this blog, I could just let ‘er rip! And I did. A lot of things that had been bogging me down cleared up as I wrote. I mention this because, as it turns out, these issues were connected with the eclipse and how it affected my natal chart.

The eclipse was three degrees away from my natal Saturn in the fifth house. In my chart, Saturn rules the eleventh house. Lately, issues connected with both these houses have been at the forefront of my mind. The fifth rules what you do for fun: for me it’s this blog and some non-astrological writing I do. The eleventh rules your friends. And Saturn is associated with one’s responsibilities and one’s career. 

Having a full-time job and running a home doesn’t leave much time to write, not even a blog post. Not if you want to do justice to it. So I’ve been feeling pretty awful about that. I put a lot of myself into my job, so there isn’t much of me left when I come home. And writing a decent post, free of typos and bizarre sentence constructions requires focus. I’ve been finding it exhausting to do both.

I also love reading: astrology, fiction, psychology, historicals, romances, humor, poetry.  Anthony Burgess, the English writer, used to do book reviews. I always thought that was such a cool job, being paid to read! An editor with whom I’ve worked with for the past eight years recently gave me an opportunity to review books. That kind of writing is very deadline driven and you’ve got be organized if you want to do it. I always end up trying to finish my reviews at the last possible minute. That eats into my weekends and I have to forego social plans because of it. It’s very depressing sitting at home on Sunday evenings trying to finish a writing assignment when you could have been out on the town having a drink or watching a movie. 

The previous two paragraphs are about fifth house issues. Since the eclipse was conjunct the ruler of the eleventh, it also touched upon an eleventh house issue: my friends.  Of late, I’ve been feeling a bit alienated where they are concerned because I’m crazy deep in love with astrology and they’re just your normal nice people who know what their sun signs are and that’s more than enough for them. And these days, my head is always buzzing with either astrology or a book review I’m doing. So I try and not talk too much about these subjects while at the same time pretending to be interested in a new recipe or a new nail color that’s all the rage. I can do fake only for so long, so I’ve been avoiding our lunches. Not an ideal solution and not one that made me happy.

To go back to the eclipse: For me, the immediate effect of the eclipse wasn’t dramatic at all. As I sat writing in my book, I realized that I was working because I wanted to. I can quote a lot of practical reasons about why I should work and they’d all be true, as well. But I’ve realized one thing recently; we only do what we want to. We can justify the choices later by saying we had to do this or that, but it’s really because we’re driven to do some things. Once that was clear in my head, I was grateful: about my work, about my friends. Because the truth of the matter is that I’m choosing to work, I’m choosing to be with these friends. That same evening, I called one of them and told her how much I value her presence in my life. And that, even though, we would always differ on certain things, it was all right. Our talk cheered us both and I know my relationship with her will be more joyful because of it. 

I also look at people’s palms or charts for fun. I clearly tell them at the start that I am no expert. I enjoy it and it’s great learning. But lately, I’ve promised more than I can or want to deliver and everything that is supposed to be fun has become a chore. I haven’t done any focused reading or looked at a chart or even written on my blog. Worse, I’ve been feeling that my job is not allowing me to write as much as I want to.

You have to work at having fun and being a friend when Saturn touches the fifth and the eleventh. I decided that I would have to forego a little fun (it’s Saturn, what do you expect?). So, although I started writing this post on the evening of the eclipse, it’s today that I’ve found the time to finish it. I know I’ll be posting less frequently in the future, but I’ve made my peace with it. Partly, because I need to get more structured about how I’m learning astrology. Instead of hopping around like a grasshopper on speed on the Net and randomly dipping into books, I need to go back to some of the books I read years ago and this time learn what they’re teaching. And apply what I’m learning, so that I can understand, retain and use that learning in the future. I see years of study stretching in front of me before I can ascend to the title of “astrologer”.

But, you know what? That’s okay, too. Since I’ve become reconciled to this fact, I no longer resent my job which is very rewarding in many ways. I’ve also realized that friendships sometimes ask for some sacrifice of the self. And if your friends matters to you, it’s a worthwhile investment of yourself and your time. So, I’ll be curtailing and structuring my fifth house activities thus consciously choosing to live out my Saturn there. Because this is the only way I can get any joy from what I want and like to do. While this is the course I charted during the eclipse period, my friend and fellow blogger Hitch has charted one that is related but parallel to mine. Go, Hitch!

Oh, what a depressing post this has turned out to be! Things got a bit Saturnine there. But having bowed before Saturn, I can now move on to other happier things. I just finished reading Matthew Currie’s second book from the terrific Conquer the Universe With Astrology series and you’ll be seeing a post about that soon. Also one about Leo: that ought to brighten up things a bit! I’m also working on a special piece about astrology and astrologers and, Saturn willing, that’ll see the light of day soon, I hope!

By the way, check out Raphael’s post on this eclipse and how it affects different countries. It’s a great read:


P.S. How was the eclipse for you?

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Come, sit here, I’ll give you some wine
It’ll make things bright, bring out some shine.

Sink deep in the chair, why be afraid?
We’ll swap stories, not engage in tirades.

Did I tell you about the rainbow that disappeared?
And suddenly, in the midst of my despair, reappeared.

And if you’re feeling sad, have a good cry
It will make you feel better, go on, try.

I know, I know, this not how it was meant to come out
But it’s lost now and you’re old enough to do without.

But there’s comfort here in the lamp light
With reflection, thing’s look a little bright.

You can leave your worries there, there by the door
Take a refill, we’ll drink some more.

It’s late evening and your day’s done.
We’ll slouch together and watch the setting sun.

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I had, as the British say, an absolutely smashing weekend. And not the least because I managed to get my hands on some fine astrology books. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always found some areas of astrology a bit difficult to master. Like, for example, the aspects between the planets. I think this is because 1) They are tough and you need to really apply yourself. 2) Because some of the books dealing with this subject are a little unimaginative, and you find that after you’ve read the bits that apply to your chart, you quickly lose interest.

But if you want to be a good astrologer, or even an average one, you’ve got to get the basics right. That means you’ve got to master the aspects. The squares, the trines, the oppositions, the sextiles and the conjunctions form the basic vocabulary of astrology. And unless you are proficient in their use, you won’t get anywhere fast.

So if you find yourself grappling with aspects, you can do no better than to read Matthew Currie’s new mini e-book: How The Planets Talk To Each Other. I read it recently, and it was the first time I’ve ever read a book like this at one go. It covers all the aspects listed in the previous paragraph and does it in a way that is both easy to understand and remember. I especially like his writing style, it sparkles with wit and charms you with fun figures of speech making learning an enjoyable process.

It wasn’t easy to obtain astrology books in my neck of the woods when I was a teenager. I had to make do with whatever I found. A book like this would have helped a lot when I was learning. And, even now, I know I’m going to keep this one handy as a reference book.

So, if you’d like to order a copy or to find out more about it, why not let Matthew himself tell you? Click on the link below and fear aspects no more: 


Have fun reading!

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Why I love Astrologers

1. Because they don’t say “Happy birthday,” they say, “Happy solar return.”

2. Plebs say, “He gets on my nerves, can’t stand him!” Astrologers say, “His moon squares my Moon-Mars opposition.”

3. When they go pro, they think they’ve become merely an “astrologer”. When, in fact, they have also become gurus, counselors and healers of the human condition.

4. They don’t say someone is needy and whiny; they just smile wryly and go, “Oh, these Crabs.”

5. When they get drunk and are swapping war stories, they talk about their “Saturn return” if they’re in their late 20s and about their “Uranus opposition” if they are in their early 40s.

6. Because whether they admit it or not, astrology is not just a profession to them, it is their calling.

7. They have amazing self-control and self-restraint: that’s why they don’t punch that jerk who swaggers over to them at a party and asks, “Astrologer, huh? So can you guess my sun sign?”

8. Many of them are fine writers and humorists who are read by a fraction of the world’s population. They could have made more money and a bigger name for themselves doing some kind of commercial writing, but they burn the midnight oil and increase the sum of the world’s human knowledge for a minimal reward.

9. When they look at a chart, what they’re after is the truth. And the truth is the finest gift one human being can give another.

10. Because, even if they are unsung, they’re my heroes, man!

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Sure, I got time to talk. It’s the weekend. So, where do you want to go? On a hill ‘round a fire, drinking cheap booze? Or to Couch despite their loud music, ‘cause they do the best Cosmopolitans in the city? Or do you just want to come over and we can talk late into the night? ‘Cause we’ve got to get the mood right. It’s Neptune, the mood is everything.

Want to talk about love, huh? Freud said that’s all there was: love and work. Sure, we can talk about love. What do you want to drink? Oh, no, not for me. Thanks. I don’t smoke that stuff: freaks me out. I’m sticking to whiskey, grown to really like it and they say it doesn’t give you hangovers.

What did you say? You think he’s really not that into you? Yeah, I saw the movie and read the “book.” The movie was a bit dull except for the opening scene with the little girl, where her mom tells her that the boy who was mean to her is doing it ‘cause he really likes her. Don’t young boys do that, though? They taught us in psych class that till they’re about 10 or 11, boys and girls don’t really mix with the other gender. So, um, no socialization skills, I’m guessing. And unless they have older sisters they wouldn’t know how to behave with girls. Even grown-up boys are hard to understand. When my brother ribs me, I get really mad. My nephew told me that’s how guys show affection. Stuff like that really messes up one’s head, I don’t blame you.

You want some music on? Can we start with Kenny G’s Song Bird? I don’t hold with people who denigrate his work. It’s a very evocative piece, haunting. Or Adnam Sami’s great, too: his Bhigi bhigi rato mein is after all about love and longing and it’s such a great song. Sami it is, then.

Where were we? Oh, look at that alliteration! Sorry about that, my Mercury squares Neptune and I’m always getting distracted with stuff like that. Yeah, so boys. They’re different. Really. I bought my husband a copy of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus a few years ago. He never did read it, but I did and it helped me for a while. Then I forgot about it. What? I’m rambling? Oh, yeah, it’s a full-on Neptune post, just go with the flow, will ya? And let me get you another drink!

I’m a regular visitor at Jeffrey Kishner’s Sasstrology because I absolutely have to read Matthew Currie’s Daily Sky every day. On bad days, when I remember I haven’t read it, I cheer up, because I still have something cool to read. It’s that much fun. So I’m on Sasstrology at least once a day and sometimes I check out the forum widget to see what people are talking about. It’s mostly along the lines of, “How do I get a Libra man to ask me out on another date?,” “What does it mean if a Taurus guy is ignoring you?” Let me make some up: “If a Capricorn is not returning my calls, does it mean that he is not in love with me?,” “If a Virgo crosses the road when he sees me, does it mean he is just not that into me?” For me, fresh from the Saturn-Venus boot camp, it’s clear: Babe, if he liked you, you wouldn’t be fretting so. See what I’m saying? He isn’t that into you. Give up already. What, you can’t? Addicted, you say? Yes, yes. I get it, it’s that Neptune again. Time to get down to brass tacks now.

I’ll have you know that I’ve been wanting to write a post on Venus-Neptune and unrequited love for over a month now. I’ve got two incomplete drafts already but neither pleases me. They’re too dull, and Venus-Neptune is anything but dull. So I’ve given up on the idea of writing a serious astrology piece about it. I mean, Venus-Neptune is all about love and poetry and heartbreak and addiction and love songs and sighing and pining and dreaming. So hanging out with you here, talking about loves lost and sharing a drink over Rick Astley’s singing…

My heart starts breaking
When I think of making
A plan to let you go
I keep thinking maybe tomorrow
I’m gonna let you know
But when I think about leaving
I think about losing
The only love I ever knew
Every time I think of you

My heart starts aching
My hands keep shaking
And you know’ you
know’ you know

It would take a
strong strong man
To ever let you go to
ever let you go
To ever let you go

 …that’s what Venus-Neptune is all about.

In case you were wondering, here is the first draft (dull, dull):

I’ve studied psychology and now I study astrology. For me the links between the two subjects are clear: both study people, their emotions, personalities, behavior and ultimately their fate (for character is indeed destiny).

Certain diseases and medications produce a complete lack of “affect” or emotion in people. Imagine that, living in a void, being the living dead, feeling nothing. Being in the world, but not a part of it. I can’t imagine anything worse and that is why I think every feeling is valuable, every feeling is an affirmation that you are alive. If someone is going through an emotionally painful episode in their life, and you were to tell them this, they might look at you as if you are mad. And, yet, it is our feelings that weave the rich tapestries of our lives. It is our feelings that give value to our experiences.

Suffering, pain, loss: they mark a pattern in all lives. How they play out is widely divergent: today, I want to focus on unrequited love. In the face of collapsed and collapsing civilizations, limping economies, genocide, war, poverty, what’s a broken heart, you might ask. Not much. It doesn’t matter, from a certain perspective, how many hearts are broken, bruised or aching with longing. It doesn’t matter except to the person who sitting around clutching a pillow with the light in their eyes dimmed. If you have ever undergone heartache, you will know how meaningless life becomes. I read somewhere that Napoleon once wrote this to Josephine, “Without you, the world is a desert.”

Love is the grandest of emotions: when you are in love the world is a brighter place. The highs are higher and the lows are low indeed. A gazal I love says, “It takes a moment to spark a fire and lifetime to put it out.” So how do you go about fixing a broken heart? Lost loves are of many kinds, I will focus on the damndest one them all: unrequited love. Whoever he or she is, they don’t love you. Move on. That’s all there is to it. Or is there? It took me half a Saturn cycle to get over my great unrequited love. For some, the emotional liberation happens sooner, for some it takes longer and some poor souls carry a torch around for a lifetime. I see nothing but an aching fist for those who are roaming the world carrying that infernal torch. If it makes you happy, by all means, go ahead. I’m addressing those who are fed up of living with a persistent ache in their heart.

Does the chart give clues about who is more susceptible to this affliction? It does indeed. In my experience, the harsher aspects of Venus and Neptune are the main culprits. In fact, anything that Neptune touches it imbues with a strange kind of longing that is hard to satisfy. And when it is messing around with your Venus (what you value and love), it creates psychic storms in your romantic life. You will be prone, in this lifetime, to be in love with what you cannot have. Prone, people, I said prone. Please put your weapons down. To continue, you carry Neptune’s signature in your personality, but how far you let it determine what happens to you is your choice. This is a good time to quote something that Linda Goodman wrote in one of her books, “The stars incline, they do not compel.”

And here is the second draft:

Almost every day, I get a hit or two on my blog for people looking for something on “astrology and unrequited love”. So with the transiting Venus in Taurus (now Venus is in Gemini: let’s talk and write about love) about to square the Chiron-Neptune-Jupiter conjunction in Aquarius, this is as good a time as any to talk about the astrology of unrequited love.

The English poet, Francis Thompson, was right when he said that love is a many-splendored thing. But unrequited love’s a b*tch. So can astrology shed light on this plight of many? It sure can. In my experience, there are some people who are prone to pine over someone they can’t get. With them it’s a pattern that occurs over and over again. Do you recognize yourself or a friend here? If you do, it might be a good idea to look at the natal chart and see if there are any Venus-Neptune links, especially the conjunction, square or opposition. These harder aspects between the two planets lead to dysfunctional ways of approaching romantic love.

Venus-Neptune: bad, mad, addictive love: Venus rules romantic love as you and I know it. Neptune is believed to be the higher octave of Venus and in his realm; love is ethereal, other-worldly, mystical. Put these two planets together and you have someone who yearns for something out-of-this-world. Since these aspects also bestow a tendency towards addiction, you literally have someone who is addicted to love. Which is great if things work out. But, here’s the rub, with these aspects there usually isn’t a happily-ever-after.

This is true no matter how the love story ends: if these natives manage to snag the affection of their love object and the relationship becomes normal and stable, they bore faster than you can say How do I Love Thee? Normal and stable is not good enough, it doesn’t allow for romantic projections, you see.  Once they realize that their love interest is human after all, the romance is gone for them. Stephen Arroyo, the astrologer’s astrologer, says these aspects give “divine discontent.” I thought of this when I was reading M. Scott Peck’s In Search of Stones. In this rather autobiographical book he says that his numerous affairs during his marriage were really his way of linking with God. Because what he was seeking and not finding was God and what he did about it was keep on falling in love. And you know what? He’s written the truth there.

Something useful:

My planets in earth signs and earth houses are always focused on how useful something is. So, I’m going to honor them by allowing them to have their say. Here we go:

If harsh Venus-Neptune contacts occur in synastry, you can expect the following themes to play out in your interaction: illusions, delusion, half-truths, drugs, lies, illicit affairs and a bit of the savior-victim drama. The last one, especially, creates an unhealthy bond. Its theme is, “This person is so messed up, they need help. I’ll help them, heal them and then we’ll live happily ever after.” The savior-who-eventually-turns-into-a-victim tires to help the perceived victim-who-eventually-turns-into-a-user with generous outpourings of love, support, money, whatever. It’s mostly done without reciprocity, as a gesture of love. But healthy relationships need reciprocity; because without that, resentment and hurt set in.

When Neptune is casting its shadow over your natal or synastry chart, you always need to have integrity. You need to tell yourself the truth about your relationship and the object of your affection. Neptune clouds the visions, makes it difficult to see things and people as they really are. It also makes you inclined to ignore reality. Many times, you are in love, but not with a real person. Since these aspects also cause one to long after people who are in some way unavailable, it’s easy to nurture delusions of perfection about the other person. This is not ideal for the idol of your worship, either. As someone I know put it, “Who in their right mind would want to be somebody’s Neptune?”

In case you misunderstand me, please know that I’m rooting for these dreamers. But their nature also makes them vulnerable and some things just need to be said. I’ve noticed that they tend to attract people I call “emotional vampires.” Emotional vampires are needy themselves and they know just how to manipulate the gentle Neptunian dreamers. Beware, folks, you tend to get used!

New Agers aren’t helping, either, with their endless harping on about love. For instance, see this, “There are only four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love…” Love is great, babe. But we’re talking about relationships, the real stuff, not some story-book scenario. The urge to give unconditional love is strong here. But if the focus of that love is a distant being that can’t or won’t receive your love, it’s a waste.

At some point you will need to accept the fact that no human being can quite make the grade, that you will tip in and out of love, that your romantic life will be dramatic and that you prefer it this way. Because dull and normal would bore you and Venus-Neptune can’t handle boredom. Once you embrace that, you will find peace, and then you can see how you want to express this aspect of yourself. It’s your choice. Venus-Neptune is looking for perfection, the perfect relationship, the perfect partner, the perfect feeling. They won’t find it in normal interactions. This is the reason why the object of their love is usually someone who is unattainable: a dead writer, a character in a book, a married man or a woman who lives in another country. Neptune is calling you to a Higher Love (like Steve Winwood’s song, remember that one?). You want a soul-mate, your twin-flame, divine love, a fantasy lover.

Neptune Blessings

Now let’s look a little at the blessings this aspects brings: it enhances your sensitivity and creativity. Since nothing and no one, and I mean no one, on this planet will ever quite satisfy your longing for a perfect union, you might want to look at what else you can do with it. Create, dream, write, paint, heal. Your soul is yearning for more, reaching upwards, go with it and bring back to this sad, tired, cynical, harsh world the beauty you know exists.

The arts, especially, owe a large debt to Venus-Neptune people. Many, many poets, song writers, romance writers, playwrights and movie-makers stand honored in their fields because they can grasp the ephemeral, the divine and bring it to the world the rest of inhabit. Go on, take a walk in their world: it’s beautiful and haunting. Just like them.


Good, so now we’re done with that! And it’s late and we’re both pretty drunk. Why don’t you sleep in the guest room? I’ll make tea for you in the morning. It was great fun talking, huh?

Oh, and if you want to learn more about the astrology of Neptune in relationships, please check out this article by Annie Heese, one of my favorite astrologer-writers. She’s the real deal, click here.

For surcease from Neptune sorrow, go here.

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They’re very ordinary sorrows
That mark my todays and tomorrows

Some pain must befall us all
There’s nothing you or I can do
Short of asking time to stall

I watch the scudding clouds
Sometimes white and sometimes grey
And in my darkest hour
Console myself with the promise that I’ll pray

There are some things no one can fix
Sometimes I wonder
How hope and doubt in us mix

I’m not asking you to be kind
I know you have your own sorrow
And can do without mine to borrow

The hardest thing I find to share
Is the unrelieved grey of pain
If I talk about it, do I count that as a gain?

So in this instance, I will refrain
We will wear ours social masks
And faithfully perform our daily tasks

After all, not everything has to be revealed
And some things fester less when concealed.

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