I’ve been reading Annie’s Blog over at CafeAstrology Relationships, and one of her posts talks about people who can’t relate to some aspects of their charts. It made me realize that it isn’t just Walt Whitman who contained “multitudes.” All of us do. And dealing with these widely different aspects of our spirit is bewildering for people around us. I don’t know about you, but I’ve found it quite difficult to make peace with contradictions that I find within myself.
I have a hard Venus-Neptune aspect and it has brought me much grief in matters connected with romantic love. I used to fall in love, at the drop of a hat, with suitably unavailable people. They had to be unavailable, otherwise how could my long-suffering square build romantic fancies around them? “I don’t do reality, sorry, dude! If I know you really well, see you all the time…gosh, see you as a human being with flaws, how can I be in love with you? You’ve got to be this distant figure, so that I can day dream about you; create you in an image that pleases my changing fancy. Then, I can be in love you.” Say hello, folks, you’ve just met the manifestation of my Venus-Neptune’s past way of interacting with the world.
It must have been because transiting Saturn has just finished crushing my ditzy Venus that I’ve finally been able to understand and deal with this tendency. Now, I’m aware of the fact that I will “fall in love” many times more in this lifetime. But now I also know that it’s probably a passing fancy; that if I pine for someone, it’s because my psychological makeup has a need to pine. And that it’s all right. Since I’m blessed (ha!) with a square, I channel a lot of it into writing poems. While they might have dubious poetic merit, I love to rhyme. Writing poetry purges my heart and my soul.
On a related note, while some people have staunch fans, I have a rather staunch critic. At most, he will say a poem I’m glowing about is “okay.” More often, he will label them “mediocre.” Ordinarily, that would kill the gentle Neptunian spirit. But I also have a kickass Mars-Sun-Moon T-Square in the fixed signs and I am not easily daunted. Criticism encourages me, in fact. If I have something to fight against, it energizes me. Having Mars conjunct my south node, I sometimes wonder if I was a warrior in my past life.
I’m as likely to weep over someone’s heartache as I am to pick a fight with anyone I perceive as a bully. If you need help, you can always call on the Neptune in me; but if you work for me and are goofing off when things need to be done, you will rouse my Mars and be sorry that you did so. If you don’t know me well, you will probably see only one aspect of me, depending on the situational context. But if you are close to me, you will encounter all of them: the pretty pastels of Neptune’s kindness, the lurid reds of Mars’ anger, the in-your-face chartreuses of my T-Squares, the serene blues of my trined Jupiter and the scintillating yellows of a progressed planet in Gemini.
It’s a colorful picture, to be sure, but it used to leave me wondering who I really was. If you are being one thing, does that mean you are faking it when you are being another? Of course, it doesn’t. But the challenge lies in reconciling these contradictory faces of our soul into a harmonious whole. And we need this reconciliation if we want inner peace and peace in our relationships.
Personally, I feel the world needs them all: warriors and poets, intellectual and dreamers, thinkers and doers, writers and readers, materialists and spiritualists. Chances are, you typify several of these archetypes. Your chart is both the map of your unconsciousness and a mirror of your objective sense of self. Whether you are struggling with issues that connect only with your sense of self or with problems in your relationship to the outside world, it helps to look at the chart and capture its harmonious and disharmonies notes in a melody that is uniquely you. Go ahead, try it. Easy access to self-understanding and healing is one of the finest gifts that astrology has given us.