Sure, I got time to talk. It’s the weekend. So, where do you want to go? On a hill ‘round a fire, drinking cheap booze? Or to Couch despite their loud music, ‘cause they do the best Cosmopolitans in the city? Or do you just want to come over and we can talk late into the night? ‘Cause we’ve got to get the mood right. It’s Neptune, the mood is everything.
Want to talk about love, huh? Freud said that’s all there was: love and work. Sure, we can talk about love. What do you want to drink? Oh, no, not for me. Thanks. I don’t smoke that stuff: freaks me out. I’m sticking to whiskey, grown to really like it and they say it doesn’t give you hangovers.
What did you say? You think he’s really not that into you? Yeah, I saw the movie and read the “book.” The movie was a bit dull except for the opening scene with the little girl, where her mom tells her that the boy who was mean to her is doing it ‘cause he really likes her. Don’t young boys do that, though? They taught us in psych class that till they’re about 10 or 11, boys and girls don’t really mix with the other gender. So, um, no socialization skills, I’m guessing. And unless they have older sisters they wouldn’t know how to behave with girls. Even grown-up boys are hard to understand. When my brother ribs me, I get really mad. My nephew told me that’s how guys show affection. Stuff like that really messes up one’s head, I don’t blame you.
You want some music on? Can we start with Kenny G’s Song Bird? I don’t hold with people who denigrate his work. It’s a very evocative piece, haunting. Or Adnam Sami’s great, too: his Bhigi bhigi rato mein is after all about love and longing and it’s such a great song. Sami it is, then.
Where were we? Oh, look at that alliteration! Sorry about that, my Mercury squares Neptune and I’m always getting distracted with stuff like that. Yeah, so boys. They’re different. Really. I bought my husband a copy of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus a few years ago. He never did read it, but I did and it helped me for a while. Then I forgot about it. What? I’m rambling? Oh, yeah, it’s a full-on Neptune post, just go with the flow, will ya? And let me get you another drink!
I’m a regular visitor at Jeffrey Kishner’s Sasstrology because I absolutely have to read Matthew Currie’s Daily Sky every day. On bad days, when I remember I haven’t read it, I cheer up, because I still have something cool to read. It’s that much fun. So I’m on Sasstrology at least once a day and sometimes I check out the forum widget to see what people are talking about. It’s mostly along the lines of, “How do I get a Libra man to ask me out on another date?,” “What does it mean if a Taurus guy is ignoring you?” Let me make some up: “If a Capricorn is not returning my calls, does it mean that he is not in love with me?,” “If a Virgo crosses the road when he sees me, does it mean he is just not that into me?” For me, fresh from the Saturn-Venus boot camp, it’s clear: Babe, if he liked you, you wouldn’t be fretting so. See what I’m saying? He isn’t that into you. Give up already. What, you can’t? Addicted, you say? Yes, yes. I get it, it’s that Neptune again. Time to get down to brass tacks now.
I’ll have you know that I’ve been wanting to write a post on Venus-Neptune and unrequited love for over a month now. I’ve got two incomplete drafts already but neither pleases me. They’re too dull, and Venus-Neptune is anything but dull. So I’ve given up on the idea of writing a serious astrology piece about it. I mean, Venus-Neptune is all about love and poetry and heartbreak and addiction and love songs and sighing and pining and dreaming. So hanging out with you here, talking about loves lost and sharing a drink over Rick Astley’s singing…
My heart starts breaking
When I think of making
A plan to let you go
I keep thinking maybe tomorrow
I’m gonna let you know
But when I think about leaving
I think about losing
The only love I ever knew
Every time I think of you
My heart starts aching
My hands keep shaking
And you know’ you
know’ you know
It would take a
strong strong man
To ever let you go to
ever let you go
To ever let you go
…that’s what Venus-Neptune is all about.
In case you were wondering, here is the first draft (dull, dull):
I’ve studied psychology and now I study astrology. For me the links between the two subjects are clear: both study people, their emotions, personalities, behavior and ultimately their fate (for character is indeed destiny).
Certain diseases and medications produce a complete lack of “affect” or emotion in people. Imagine that, living in a void, being the living dead, feeling nothing. Being in the world, but not a part of it. I can’t imagine anything worse and that is why I think every feeling is valuable, every feeling is an affirmation that you are alive. If someone is going through an emotionally painful episode in their life, and you were to tell them this, they might look at you as if you are mad. And, yet, it is our feelings that weave the rich tapestries of our lives. It is our feelings that give value to our experiences.
Suffering, pain, loss: they mark a pattern in all lives. How they play out is widely divergent: today, I want to focus on unrequited love. In the face of collapsed and collapsing civilizations, limping economies, genocide, war, poverty, what’s a broken heart, you might ask. Not much. It doesn’t matter, from a certain perspective, how many hearts are broken, bruised or aching with longing. It doesn’t matter except to the person who sitting around clutching a pillow with the light in their eyes dimmed. If you have ever undergone heartache, you will know how meaningless life becomes. I read somewhere that Napoleon once wrote this to Josephine, “Without you, the world is a desert.”
Love is the grandest of emotions: when you are in love the world is a brighter place. The highs are higher and the lows are low indeed. A gazal I love says, “It takes a moment to spark a fire and lifetime to put it out.” So how do you go about fixing a broken heart? Lost loves are of many kinds, I will focus on the damndest one them all: unrequited love. Whoever he or she is, they don’t love you. Move on. That’s all there is to it. Or is there? It took me half a Saturn cycle to get over my great unrequited love. For some, the emotional liberation happens sooner, for some it takes longer and some poor souls carry a torch around for a lifetime. I see nothing but an aching fist for those who are roaming the world carrying that infernal torch. If it makes you happy, by all means, go ahead. I’m addressing those who are fed up of living with a persistent ache in their heart.
Does the chart give clues about who is more susceptible to this affliction? It does indeed. In my experience, the harsher aspects of Venus and Neptune are the main culprits. In fact, anything that Neptune touches it imbues with a strange kind of longing that is hard to satisfy. And when it is messing around with your Venus (what you value and love), it creates psychic storms in your romantic life. You will be prone, in this lifetime, to be in love with what you cannot have. Prone, people, I said prone. Please put your weapons down. To continue, you carry Neptune’s signature in your personality, but how far you let it determine what happens to you is your choice. This is a good time to quote something that Linda Goodman wrote in one of her books, “The stars incline, they do not compel.”
And here is the second draft:
Almost every day, I get a hit or two on my blog for people looking for something on “astrology and unrequited love”. So with the transiting Venus in Taurus (now Venus is in Gemini: let’s talk and write about love) about to square the Chiron-Neptune-Jupiter conjunction in Aquarius, this is as good a time as any to talk about the astrology of unrequited love.
The English poet, Francis Thompson, was right when he said that love is a many-splendored thing. But unrequited love’s a b*tch. So can astrology shed light on this plight of many? It sure can. In my experience, there are some people who are prone to pine over someone they can’t get. With them it’s a pattern that occurs over and over again. Do you recognize yourself or a friend here? If you do, it might be a good idea to look at the natal chart and see if there are any Venus-Neptune links, especially the conjunction, square or opposition. These harder aspects between the two planets lead to dysfunctional ways of approaching romantic love.
Venus-Neptune: bad, mad, addictive love: Venus rules romantic love as you and I know it. Neptune is believed to be the higher octave of Venus and in his realm; love is ethereal, other-worldly, mystical. Put these two planets together and you have someone who yearns for something out-of-this-world. Since these aspects also bestow a tendency towards addiction, you literally have someone who is addicted to love. Which is great if things work out. But, here’s the rub, with these aspects there usually isn’t a happily-ever-after.
This is true no matter how the love story ends: if these natives manage to snag the affection of their love object and the relationship becomes normal and stable, they bore faster than you can say How do I Love Thee? Normal and stable is not good enough, it doesn’t allow for romantic projections, you see. Once they realize that their love interest is human after all, the romance is gone for them. Stephen Arroyo, the astrologer’s astrologer, says these aspects give “divine discontent.” I thought of this when I was reading M. Scott Peck’s In Search of Stones. In this rather autobiographical book he says that his numerous affairs during his marriage were really his way of linking with God. Because what he was seeking and not finding was God and what he did about it was keep on falling in love. And you know what? He’s written the truth there.
Something useful:
My planets in earth signs and earth houses are always focused on how useful something is. So, I’m going to honor them by allowing them to have their say. Here we go:
If harsh Venus-Neptune contacts occur in synastry, you can expect the following themes to play out in your interaction: illusions, delusion, half-truths, drugs, lies, illicit affairs and a bit of the savior-victim drama. The last one, especially, creates an unhealthy bond. Its theme is, “This person is so messed up, they need help. I’ll help them, heal them and then we’ll live happily ever after.” The savior-who-eventually-turns-into-a-victim tires to help the perceived victim-who-eventually-turns-into-a-user with generous outpourings of love, support, money, whatever. It’s mostly done without reciprocity, as a gesture of love. But healthy relationships need reciprocity; because without that, resentment and hurt set in.
When Neptune is casting its shadow over your natal or synastry chart, you always need to have integrity. You need to tell yourself the truth about your relationship and the object of your affection. Neptune clouds the visions, makes it difficult to see things and people as they really are. It also makes you inclined to ignore reality. Many times, you are in love, but not with a real person. Since these aspects also cause one to long after people who are in some way unavailable, it’s easy to nurture delusions of perfection about the other person. This is not ideal for the idol of your worship, either. As someone I know put it, “Who in their right mind would want to be somebody’s Neptune?”
In case you misunderstand me, please know that I’m rooting for these dreamers. But their nature also makes them vulnerable and some things just need to be said. I’ve noticed that they tend to attract people I call “emotional vampires.” Emotional vampires are needy themselves and they know just how to manipulate the gentle Neptunian dreamers. Beware, folks, you tend to get used!
New Agers aren’t helping, either, with their endless harping on about love. For instance, see this, “There are only four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love…” Love is great, babe. But we’re talking about relationships, the real stuff, not some story-book scenario. The urge to give unconditional love is strong here. But if the focus of that love is a distant being that can’t or won’t receive your love, it’s a waste.
At some point you will need to accept the fact that no human being can quite make the grade, that you will tip in and out of love, that your romantic life will be dramatic and that you prefer it this way. Because dull and normal would bore you and Venus-Neptune can’t handle boredom. Once you embrace that, you will find peace, and then you can see how you want to express this aspect of yourself. It’s your choice. Venus-Neptune is looking for perfection, the perfect relationship, the perfect partner, the perfect feeling. They won’t find it in normal interactions. This is the reason why the object of their love is usually someone who is unattainable: a dead writer, a character in a book, a married man or a woman who lives in another country. Neptune is calling you to a Higher Love (like Steve Winwood’s song, remember that one?). You want a soul-mate, your twin-flame, divine love, a fantasy lover.
Neptune Blessings
Now let’s look a little at the blessings this aspects brings: it enhances your sensitivity and creativity. Since nothing and no one, and I mean no one, on this planet will ever quite satisfy your longing for a perfect union, you might want to look at what else you can do with it. Create, dream, write, paint, heal. Your soul is yearning for more, reaching upwards, go with it and bring back to this sad, tired, cynical, harsh world the beauty you know exists.
The arts, especially, owe a large debt to Venus-Neptune people. Many, many poets, song writers, romance writers, playwrights and movie-makers stand honored in their fields because they can grasp the ephemeral, the divine and bring it to the world the rest of inhabit. Go on, take a walk in their world: it’s beautiful and haunting. Just like them.
Conclusion:
Good, so now we’re done with that! And it’s late and we’re both pretty drunk. Why don’t you sleep in the guest room? I’ll make tea for you in the morning. It was great fun talking, huh?
Oh, and if you want to learn more about the astrology of Neptune in relationships, please check out this article by Annie Heese, one of my favorite astrologer-writers. She’s the real deal, click here.
For surcease from Neptune sorrow, go here.
I really enjoyed this article and that’s great advice you gave under “Neptune Blessings” – by the way, thanks for the offer, you will find me in your guest room in the morning. 😉
And I will make you tea 🙂
Wow!. (hic) Eye opening, yet so very well told that I don´t feel bad about my Neptune – Venus Conjunction anymore.
Thank you very very much! (hic) those Cosmopolitans were good! 😉
Oh! One question though… are Neptunians *cursed* to live a doomed love life as in *for ever* ? Or is there anything to be done to change that. Anything you suggest that I can read regarding this ? ^_^
Oh, I don’t think Neptunians are cursed at all. The world needs them and what they bring to it. That’s why I wrote this, “Your soul is yearning for more, reaching upwards, go with it and bring back to this sad, tired, cynical, harsh world the beauty you know exists.” It’s challenging, to be sure. But that is way Neptune souls are so kind to others, because they have been through the wars, so to speak 🙂
I find whatever Annie Heese at Cafeastrology Relationships has written on Neptune to be very good and very useful.
Tx. NR. I´ll read those 🙂
I don’t know how to digest this, astrologically, but I did get what was written here. And I love the way you put it. Classic. 🙂
A friend of mine is going through some unrequited love crisis, and I’m tirelessly trying to get her out of it but she refuses to budge and move on! There’s also a sudden moment of realization where I felt people around me is taking what I have to offer for granted. And I was somewhat aware of the danger of falling in love with the illusion of someone who’s not. Phew, that was close!
Thank you for your kind words.
On another note, sometimes our illusions serve us, but they make bad servants. I’m glad you’re shedding yours: more power to you!
What about Venus sextile Neptune in the natal chart?Also on my Ascendant..Great article!
Hi Donna, thanks. You’ll find the information on that here (one of the best sites on the Net):
http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/venusneptuneaspects.html
Thank you, it was very very good.
You’re welcome, Graham, and thanks for stopping by 🙂
I’ve Venus quincunx Neptune. Too busy adjusting to even notice I’m being unrequited. And then it’s like ‘huh? It’s over?’ Okay, more adjusting. Sorta like constantly fixing ill-fitting underwear… 😐
I like the analogy, Hitch 🙂
I have Venus in Leo square Neptune in Scorpio. I also have Neptune conjunct the Ascendant. I always fall into the savior mode. grrrr.. lol I want and need a mate/significant other who is my equal.
[…] Original post: Venus-Neptune and the Astrology of Unrequited Love « Astrology … […]
this was completely fascinating to me who has been prone all my life to the worst of unrequited love. every single person i’ve ever fallen for has been absolutely resistant to me – i mean flat-out told me they weren’t interested (and those i’ve actually had relationships with i wasn’t terribly thrilled about). i looked at my natal chart again and sure enough, venus square neptune. am i doomed?
Hi Iris, I think any astrologer would tell you that you aren’t doomed. At all. They would also tell you that it takes more than one aspect in a person’s chart to tell them anything that’s really useful.
Having said that, the square of Venus and Neptune does cause us to feel dissatisfied with what we have and long for what we can’t have. More so than other people. The irony is that we have the unattainable; we’d be dissatisfied with that, too. People being people, always disappoint.
But if you keep this tendency in mind, cleave to reality (even if it is dull), and hitch your wagon to star of your own (and not depend on a personal or relationship to completely fulfill you) there is every chance that you will have satisfactory relationships. And, moreover, the magic and sensitivity of this square will light up your life.
I really enjoyed your article and thank you for covering the “Blessings” as well. I’m fairly new to astrology, still learning and trying to analyze my own chart. I have the Venus-Neptune opposition (Venus in Taurus, Neptune in Scorpio) and every single site that I’ve visited to find out more about it talks ONLY about the negatives of this placement. It’s been extremely discouraging. Idealist that I am I figured there had to be SOMETHING positive about these two planets aspecting each other, even stressful aspects – Neptune is Venus’s higher octave and both are related to music and the arts, after all. 🙂
Hi Amy, I find that there’s always something positive about any planetary energy that we may have. Some just require a little experience before we can learn to use them well.
I was reading this today and you might find it interesting:
http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_venus3_e.htm
Thanks for writing in,
Neeti
P.S. Pamper that Taurus Venus a bit 🙂
yes: my venus/neptune opposition has taught me some excruciatingly painful lessons about love and longing. however, as i enter into my forties, i am learning how to appreciate and correctly use these energies.
as you stated in your article: “…because what he was seeking and not finding was God…” this, indeed, is the key.
when i channel my venus/neptune yearnings towards a connection with the divine, there is only boundless and endless reward and beauty. it is when i mistakenly believe that a mere mortal can satisfy these longings that i get burned.
thank you for such an insightful (and not boring!) article.
Hi Suzi, thank you for sharing your experience and learning!
This is so interesting and painful for me to read. I have Venus in Neptune and my sun sign is the sexual charged scorpio and my moon is in aries. So I’m pretty screwed when it comes to matters of the heart! ha ha. I feel like I have been dealt a bad hand sometimes when it comes to love and my birth chart. I attract a lot of guys but no one is quite good enough (ridculous I know) or perfect and I leave them, well actually I don’t even give them a chance. I have this silly notion that my perfect mate is out there and I would rather not waste time with anyone until they arrive. I know deep down that this is not going to happen and is not how life or love works. My heart has been broken so many times as I have let people ‘vampires’ abuse me as I think I can help and fix them and it will all end happily but it’s at the sacrifice of my own happiness and mental health. As for unrequited love, Ive had it in bucket loads and it hurts like hell,currently going through it at the moment. I become obsessive and just wont let go and become depressed and my self esteem plummets. I have and am seeking help with regards to this and getting better at dealing with the way I am. It was good to read your article as it summed up everything that I am and feel and made me feel like I am not the only one. Thank you 🙂
Hi Neeti,
I am a fan of your writing. I like the way you cleared the waters that Neptune has muddied up with his pretty illusions.
Unrequited love and I have a long history (I have Venus conjunct Neptune, Mercury and the South Node in my ninth house, Sagittarius).
Do you think, thanks to the South Node conjunction, I can finally learn to give up co-dependent and addictive behavior in relationships in this incarnation? I am trying with an honest heart.
Please do write on the South Node conjunct relationship factors, as I think you have many helpful insights to offer.
And, oh, I have Saturn conjunct Pluto in my seventh. (Yes, I will transcend games, s.o.m.e.d.a.y.)
I think I will finally go for past-life therapy, too.
I would be eager to know your version of the way out.
Thanks for any help!
🙂
Hi Yay, first of all, thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot. This was an important post for me because Venus-Neptune causes so much heartache!
I was moving a few things around today and retrieved Steven Forrest’s Yesterday’s Sky – the book is devoted to the nodes and past lives. I’ve also bought and have been listening to his lectures, a treasure trove of information there for decoding the nodal story.
About the antidote to the South Node, for you this would be in Gemini and the third house: communication, writing, reading, conveying information.
Is the Mercury within 10 degrees of the South Node?
Emotional vampires are needy themselves and they know just how to manipulate the gentle Neptunian dreamers. Beware, folks, you tend to get used!…i so very identify with this one and most of the rest. in fact its the phase am going thru and hell i feel cursed when it comes to love. just tell me one thing is this curse limited to any age, i mean does it ward off after a few years of age or is it life long?
Beautiful – And thoughtful and THAT happened to me!!
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE FEELING!
Can someone help me with this?
I am not a week Pisces – but recently my life is falling apart and I need someone to talk to. Where else to go if not to the Astro side which understands Neptune – and Venus.
This is March 2013
I believe I need any help and advice I can get:
Just crashed from a love of my life feeling – Love as I never have experienced – so pure and true and still -from highest high to lowest low – when Neptune was conjunct to Venus on house cusp 6 /7th house ( relation) – and still trying to recuperate the final ending with the “help ” of alcohol also my mind tells me NO!! Don’t drink! I will have this in the next time:
Neptune in second house gets fire from 3 transiting planets.
1.
Jupiter square from Cancer 11th house to my second house Neptune in Libra, in 2013
2. Same time but for much longer – for two years: My Uranus opposition from 8th house to same Neptune. – 2013 till 2015 (back and forth) = Retro..
3. And last not least: My Pluto from 5th house Capricorn a square to same guy Neptune in 2nd house Libra. May be the sky will fall or I sit on the Intersection asking for money? Both I don’t like and don’t want to…
So either I become an alcoholic – or I lose my mind. Or both? Any other opinion?? What is YOUR PREDICTION? Can upload Astro.com (Jpg)
Georg
Forgot that: Transit Uranus is in Aries.
For a better understanding – I am obviously already confused by Neptune since I forgot to mention that Neptune is fixed in second house Libra and the transiting Neptune aspect – to Venus was from 2011 – and before – till jan 2013. UNBELIEVABLE EMOTIONS .. never had that before.. However – since I have my Sun – moon – mars in 7th house Pisces and Neptune is NOW conjunct Moon – I still have lots of emotions for that woman. She loved me too that was not the point – she was Virgo – and the love from her was not very demonstrative enough for me as a Pisces. So anyhow may be hard to learn illusion from my side..
Hi Neeti. This is a great article. Kudos to your writing skills. I’m one among this community of unrequited love u can say and am slowly coming to terms with this reality of my life. I have a taurus rising in my chart with a venus-neptune square; neptune being in the seventh house in scorpio and venus in tenth in aquarius…I’m a writer and I now find creative satisfaction through writing fiction and poetry, I’m also a dancer so my happiness roots from these creative exercises, though love still eludes me. What I would like to ask you is that whether this aspect of venus-neptune in some way is a curse forever? is there any chance that I find my dream lover ever? though my answer lies in your article,being the eternal optimist when it comes to love I would still like to ask this question. Regards.Mads
Jeremy Neal once told me that this aspect requires sacrifice. It can mean giving up on the ideal, impossible love. Or serving humanity in some way. In fact, Isabel Hickey said with Neptune you must serve or suffer.
It is really an aspect of constant yearning. Nothing quite takes that away, not even gaining the object of one’s affection. Enshrining in art or coming up with a lifestyle that is creatively created to address this helps.
Hi again
Another synchronicity, I too have merc square neptune, and venus/moon trine neptune.
While Ive definitely had those experiences, I think you need to look at the whole chart before condemming people to unrequited hopless love 🙂
Afterall Obama has that aspect and …well you know the rest.