Sure, I got time to talk. It’s the weekend. So, where do you want to go? On a hill ‘round a fire, drinking cheap booze? Or to Couch despite their loud music, ‘cause they do the best Cosmopolitans in the city? Or do you just want to come over and we can talk late into the night? ‘Cause we’ve got to get the mood right. It’s Neptune, the mood is everything.
Want to talk about love, huh? Freud said that’s all there was: love and work. Sure, we can talk about love. What do you want to drink? Oh, no, not for me. Thanks. I don’t smoke that stuff: freaks me out. I’m sticking to whiskey, grown to really like it and they say it doesn’t give you hangovers.
What did you say? You think he’s really not that into you? Yeah, I saw the movie and read the “book.” The movie was a bit dull except for the opening scene with the little girl, where her mom tells her that the boy who was mean to her is doing it ‘cause he really likes her. Don’t young boys do that, though? They taught us in psych class that till they’re about 10 or 11, boys and girls don’t really mix with the other gender. So, um, no socialization skills, I’m guessing. And unless they have older sisters they wouldn’t know how to behave with girls. Even grown-up boys are hard to understand. When my brother ribs me, I get really mad. My nephew told me that’s how guys show affection. Stuff like that really messes up one’s head, I don’t blame you.
You want some music on? Can we start with Kenny G’s Song Bird? I don’t hold with people who denigrate his work. It’s a very evocative piece, haunting. Or Adnam Sami’s great, too: his Bhigi bhigi rato mein is after all about love and longing and it’s such a great song. Sami it is, then.
Where were we? Oh, look at that alliteration! Sorry about that, my Mercury squares Neptune and I’m always getting distracted with stuff like that. Yeah, so boys. They’re different. Really. I bought my husband a copy of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus a few years ago. He never did read it, but I did and it helped me for a while. Then I forgot about it. What? I’m rambling? Oh, yeah, it’s a full-on Neptune post, just go with the flow, will ya? And let me get you another drink!
I’m a regular visitor at Jeffrey Kishner’s Sasstrology because I absolutely have to read Matthew Currie’s Daily Sky every day. On bad days, when I remember I haven’t read it, I cheer up, because I still have something cool to read. It’s that much fun. So I’m on Sasstrology at least once a day and sometimes I check out the forum widget to see what people are talking about. It’s mostly along the lines of, “How do I get a Libra man to ask me out on another date?,” “What does it mean if a Taurus guy is ignoring you?” Let me make some up: “If a Capricorn is not returning my calls, does it mean that he is not in love with me?,” “If a Virgo crosses the road when he sees me, does it mean he is just not that into me?” For me, fresh from the Saturn-Venus boot camp, it’s clear: Babe, if he liked you, you wouldn’t be fretting so. See what I’m saying? He isn’t that into you. Give up already. What, you can’t? Addicted, you say? Yes, yes. I get it, it’s that Neptune again. Time to get down to brass tacks now.
I’ll have you know that I’ve been wanting to write a post on Venus-Neptune and unrequited love for over a month now. I’ve got two incomplete drafts already but neither pleases me. They’re too dull, and Venus-Neptune is anything but dull. So I’ve given up on the idea of writing a serious astrology piece about it. I mean, Venus-Neptune is all about love and poetry and heartbreak and addiction and love songs and sighing and pining and dreaming. So hanging out with you here, talking about loves lost and sharing a drink over Rick Astley’s singing…
My heart starts breaking
When I think of making
A plan to let you go
I keep thinking maybe tomorrow
I’m gonna let you know
But when I think about leaving
I think about losing
The only love I ever knew
Every time I think of you
My heart starts aching
My hands keep shaking
And you know’ you
know’ you know
It would take a
strong strong man
To ever let you go to
ever let you go
To ever let you go
…that’s what Venus-Neptune is all about.
In case you were wondering, here is the first draft (dull, dull):
I’ve studied psychology and now I study astrology. For me the links between the two subjects are clear: both study people, their emotions, personalities, behavior and ultimately their fate (for character is indeed destiny).
Certain diseases and medications produce a complete lack of “affect” or emotion in people. Imagine that, living in a void, being the living dead, feeling nothing. Being in the world, but not a part of it. I can’t imagine anything worse and that is why I think every feeling is valuable, every feeling is an affirmation that you are alive. If someone is going through an emotionally painful episode in their life, and you were to tell them this, they might look at you as if you are mad. And, yet, it is our feelings that weave the rich tapestries of our lives. It is our feelings that give value to our experiences.
Suffering, pain, loss: they mark a pattern in all lives. How they play out is widely divergent: today, I want to focus on unrequited love. In the face of collapsed and collapsing civilizations, limping economies, genocide, war, poverty, what’s a broken heart, you might ask. Not much. It doesn’t matter, from a certain perspective, how many hearts are broken, bruised or aching with longing. It doesn’t matter except to the person who sitting around clutching a pillow with the light in their eyes dimmed. If you have ever undergone heartache, you will know how meaningless life becomes. I read somewhere that Napoleon once wrote this to Josephine, “Without you, the world is a desert.”
Love is the grandest of emotions: when you are in love the world is a brighter place. The highs are higher and the lows are low indeed. A gazal I love says, “It takes a moment to spark a fire and lifetime to put it out.” So how do you go about fixing a broken heart? Lost loves are of many kinds, I will focus on the damndest one them all: unrequited love. Whoever he or she is, they don’t love you. Move on. That’s all there is to it. Or is there? It took me half a Saturn cycle to get over my great unrequited love. For some, the emotional liberation happens sooner, for some it takes longer and some poor souls carry a torch around for a lifetime. I see nothing but an aching fist for those who are roaming the world carrying that infernal torch. If it makes you happy, by all means, go ahead. I’m addressing those who are fed up of living with a persistent ache in their heart.
Does the chart give clues about who is more susceptible to this affliction? It does indeed. In my experience, the harsher aspects of Venus and Neptune are the main culprits. In fact, anything that Neptune touches it imbues with a strange kind of longing that is hard to satisfy. And when it is messing around with your Venus (what you value and love), it creates psychic storms in your romantic life. You will be prone, in this lifetime, to be in love with what you cannot have. Prone, people, I said prone. Please put your weapons down. To continue, you carry Neptune’s signature in your personality, but how far you let it determine what happens to you is your choice. This is a good time to quote something that Linda Goodman wrote in one of her books, “The stars incline, they do not compel.”
And here is the second draft:
Almost every day, I get a hit or two on my blog for people looking for something on “astrology and unrequited love”. So with the transiting Venus in Taurus (now Venus is in Gemini: let’s talk and write about love) about to square the Chiron-Neptune-Jupiter conjunction in Aquarius, this is as good a time as any to talk about the astrology of unrequited love.
The English poet, Francis Thompson, was right when he said that love is a many-splendored thing. But unrequited love’s a b*tch. So can astrology shed light on this plight of many? It sure can. In my experience, there are some people who are prone to pine over someone they can’t get. With them it’s a pattern that occurs over and over again. Do you recognize yourself or a friend here? If you do, it might be a good idea to look at the natal chart and see if there are any Venus-Neptune links, especially the conjunction, square or opposition. These harder aspects between the two planets lead to dysfunctional ways of approaching romantic love.
Venus-Neptune: bad, mad, addictive love: Venus rules romantic love as you and I know it. Neptune is believed to be the higher octave of Venus and in his realm; love is ethereal, other-worldly, mystical. Put these two planets together and you have someone who yearns for something out-of-this-world. Since these aspects also bestow a tendency towards addiction, you literally have someone who is addicted to love. Which is great if things work out. But, here’s the rub, with these aspects there usually isn’t a happily-ever-after.
This is true no matter how the love story ends: if these natives manage to snag the affection of their love object and the relationship becomes normal and stable, they bore faster than you can say How do I Love Thee? Normal and stable is not good enough, it doesn’t allow for romantic projections, you see. Once they realize that their love interest is human after all, the romance is gone for them. Stephen Arroyo, the astrologer’s astrologer, says these aspects give “divine discontent.” I thought of this when I was reading M. Scott Peck’s In Search of Stones. In this rather autobiographical book he says that his numerous affairs during his marriage were really his way of linking with God. Because what he was seeking and not finding was God and what he did about it was keep on falling in love. And you know what? He’s written the truth there.
My planets in earth signs and earth houses are always focused on how useful something is. So, I’m going to honor them by allowing them to have their say. Here we go:
If harsh Venus-Neptune contacts occur in synastry, you can expect the following themes to play out in your interaction: illusions, delusion, half-truths, drugs, lies, illicit affairs and a bit of the savior-victim drama. The last one, especially, creates an unhealthy bond. Its theme is, “This person is so messed up, they need help. I’ll help them, heal them and then we’ll live happily ever after.” The savior-who-eventually-turns-into-a-victim tires to help the perceived victim-who-eventually-turns-into-a-user with generous outpourings of love, support, money, whatever. It’s mostly done without reciprocity, as a gesture of love. But healthy relationships need reciprocity; because without that, resentment and hurt set in.
When Neptune is casting its shadow over your natal or synastry chart, you always need to have integrity. You need to tell yourself the truth about your relationship and the object of your affection. Neptune clouds the visions, makes it difficult to see things and people as they really are. It also makes you inclined to ignore reality. Many times, you are in love, but not with a real person. Since these aspects also cause one to long after people who are in some way unavailable, it’s easy to nurture delusions of perfection about the other person. This is not ideal for the idol of your worship, either. As someone I know put it, “Who in their right mind would want to be somebody’s Neptune?”
In case you misunderstand me, please know that I’m rooting for these dreamers. But their nature also makes them vulnerable and some things just need to be said. I’ve noticed that they tend to attract people I call “emotional vampires.” Emotional vampires are needy themselves and they know just how to manipulate the gentle Neptunian dreamers. Beware, folks, you tend to get used!
New Agers aren’t helping, either, with their endless harping on about love. For instance, see this, “There are only four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love…” Love is great, babe. But we’re talking about relationships, the real stuff, not some story-book scenario. The urge to give unconditional love is strong here. But if the focus of that love is a distant being that can’t or won’t receive your love, it’s a waste.
At some point you will need to accept the fact that no human being can quite make the grade, that you will tip in and out of love, that your romantic life will be dramatic and that you prefer it this way. Because dull and normal would bore you and Venus-Neptune can’t handle boredom. Once you embrace that, you will find peace, and then you can see how you want to express this aspect of yourself. It’s your choice. Venus-Neptune is looking for perfection, the perfect relationship, the perfect partner, the perfect feeling. They won’t find it in normal interactions. This is the reason why the object of their love is usually someone who is unattainable: a dead writer, a character in a book, a married man or a woman who lives in another country. Neptune is calling you to a Higher Love (like Steve Winwood’s song, remember that one?). You want a soul-mate, your twin-flame, divine love, a fantasy lover.
Now let’s look a little at the blessings this aspects brings: it enhances your sensitivity and creativity. Since nothing and no one, and I mean no one, on this planet will ever quite satisfy your longing for a perfect union, you might want to look at what else you can do with it. Create, dream, write, paint, heal. Your soul is yearning for more, reaching upwards, go with it and bring back to this sad, tired, cynical, harsh world the beauty you know exists.
The arts, especially, owe a large debt to Venus-Neptune people. Many, many poets, song writers, romance writers, playwrights and movie-makers stand honored in their fields because they can grasp the ephemeral, the divine and bring it to the world the rest of inhabit. Go on, take a walk in their world: it’s beautiful and haunting. Just like them.
Good, so now we’re done with that! And it’s late and we’re both pretty drunk. Why don’t you sleep in the guest room? I’ll make tea for you in the morning. It was great fun talking, huh?
Oh, and if you want to learn more about the astrology of Neptune in relationships, please check out this article by Annie Heese, one of my favorite astrologer-writers. She’s the real deal, click here.
For surcease from Neptune sorrow, go here.
Read Full Post »